Spill the Tea

Working in hospitality for a year taught me a great many things. I have only just accepted the truth of what I went through. I am certain my narrative is not that unique, and I am convinced a great many people have had similar experiences to me. Recently, I was listening to a podcast, “Something was Wrong”, and it dawned on me that I in fact have a story to tell. The episode centred around this woman who had been a victim of workplace bullying. I felt a connection to the themes of this episode, so let me tell you my story…

Before I begin, let me preface this story by saying my boss became my friend. All references to “my boss” is the chef I worked directly under and “the chef/head-chef” is the owner and executive chef of the company I worked for. My boss and I were in constant contact, she would text and email me often on my non-work days, and we talked every day at work. She would let me know that she was the reason I was able to keep my job. She acted like my protector, especially when I watched a lot of the chefs and service staff lose their jobs during one of the COVID lockdowns. One time, I was told by a service manager that a lot of staff would be losing their jobs and I confronted my boss about this. She said I would be fine but that I could not reveal the information to anybody else. I knew a lot of my friends would be losing their jobs and I could not warn them. The great job cull came as a surprise to many and a lot of the people did not have a chance to look for work prior to them finding out they were being fired. I felt somewhat responsible for not warning them, these people were my friends and my boss knew that and used my loyalty to her advantage. I lost so much faith in head chef’s integrity during this time.

The head chef thinks they are God and you are to treat them as such. You take responsibility for everything even if you have done nothing to be at fault. They expect you to fall in line and you are constantly put down and berrated until you accept your place and you no longer have any fight left in you. If you ask questions, they call you soft, stupid and sensitive. You are conditioned to feel less than you are. The chef will tell you they had it much worse, and proceed to explain how their chef had thrown stuff at them and shouted at them. They make you feel like you are so lucky, that you should feel lucky to be taught by someone with “so much talent”. My chef would often say, “I’ve been to the culinary olympics, you know”. Anything I had done or did outside of the kitchen, he would often try to one up me. For instance, I run and do gym, well he lifted x amount of weights before he injured his shoulder. Another example is that I went to university and had two degrees, well he was smarter than people who went to school, he did not need books or learning. They broke you down. When I first started working there, I used to be so excited, I was so excited to put my chef whites on and go to work. I loved it. This changed over time, and I began dreading turning up to work. I was scared of attracting attention and getting a lecture for something I had not done or something I had done. I would walk around with my head down and not look at the chefs to avoid persecution. The lack of eye contact and confidence became a problem in it’s own right and I was put down for this. Chef said that I was rude and arrogant, and at the time he said this I actually laughed, I was depressed and anxious in the kitchen because of him and my boss.

You have no life, I worked weekends, I lost weekends for a whole year. I worked 8.30 am to 11 pm on Sautrdays and 8 am to 7 pm on Sundays. It is likely most people who work in hospitality lose their weekends, I was aware of this, but the loss went much deeper. I missed the AFL Grand Final for the first time in my life (even when I was on holidays on an island I managed to listen on the radio!). I recall having a weekend off to compete in a marathon, which I had been training months for (literally months, I had 2 cancelled and I kept building for like 9 months), it happened to fall on the same week as my birthday. My birthday fell on a rostered day off (a Wednesday). My mum had planned a lunch for me and was very excited to celebrate with me because it was a milestone birthday. During this time my dad was in recovery from cancer and we were unsure if he was going to recover. My boss and the chef were both aware of my dad’s illness. On the Tuesday (the day before my birthday which was my other rostered day off), I received an e-mail from my boss with my weekly roster. This showed I was working 8 am to 6 pm on Wednesday (my birthday). I asked my boss if this was correct because it was odd I would be working on a Wednesday, she replied rudely, as she often did. I told my mum that I wouldn’t make my birthday lunch as planned and she cancelled all the bookings she had made. I showed up to my shift on my birthday. My boss complained that I did not look happy to be there or enthusiatic and refreshed after my marathon and days off. This became an issue, I was lectured by my boss and the chef about having time off, it was two days and I had requested it months in advance. I was made to feel guilty for having time off. How dare I think that I can have time off.

You are told to have breaks, but you do not have time to take them. You are the reason you don’t have time, you aren’t fast enough with your tasks. My boss is a smoker, she would take upwards of three to four smoke breaks a day. These smoke breaks could range from 15 minutes to an hour. I did not take breaks and am not a smoker, I worked from 9 am and was expected to continue well past my finish time. If we fell behind in prep tasks it was my fault, despite my boss taking smoke breaks. We were supposed to be a team, however I was the only one working most of the time. There was no team. I recall requesting a few hours off one afternoon so I could get my first COVID vaccination, she rejected this. I was scolded for asking for time off to do this and attempting to start earlier to accomodate me getting the vaccine. A month or so later, my boss took the afternoon off to get her vaccine and there was no problem.

Your ideas are not your own. I recall, my sticky date pudding recipe got used for a class, and I was so excited when it was in the recipe book. I felt so proud that something I had developed was “good enough” for chef. Chef and my boss then used my recipe for wholesale, they profited off something I had developed. They never asked me. I was never credited for this recipe. It was never addressed or acknowledged that I had created my recipe. I will share that recipe with all of you so you can all have it too, because honestly everyone else has it.

You have to be one of the boys. I have always had male friends, and I have always being able to assimilate into their humour. In the kitchen, there are often more men than women. Chef would often joke about my boss’ weight, the rest of the staff would often join in on this. I would often remark that you can’t say that to a person. Chef enjoyed making comments about some of the guests that would come in and my boss would join in on this. They would comment about some of the ladies having “big tits” or a “great figure”, and would joke about how “thirsty” they were for chef or how much they wanted chef. I recall one Saturday I was out running in West End, as I did most Saturdays before work. Chef had seen me out running and had told my boss and his son that he was “checking out this girl who was running” and then he realised it was me. I had to be okay with this story, like this was a funny story. My boss told me and made it sound like it was funny that chef had found me attractive. This never bothered me at the time, it just made me feel uncomfortable.

Finally, all this ultimately climaxed on the incidents of the 14 and 15 October 2021. On 14 October 2021 (the day after my birthday), I arrived at work on time for my 9:00 AM shift. My boss was half an hour to forty minutes late which was not at all unusual for her. On her arrival, she proceeded to say to me in a rude and condescending manner, “If you don’t hurry up, we will be here until midnight”. She had been rude and condescending towards me on many previous occasions and I knew there was no point in engaging with her. I calmly responded, “I will just go then”. She then placed her hands on my shoulders and forcefully pushed me away (the assault) and said, “just go then”. I was shocked by her conduct and proceeded to leave. I returned my jacket and apron to her desk and left the building. Chef approached me, and I relayed what my boss had said (I did not at this stage report the assault). I was then taken to the head office where I told HR what had happened, and that my boss had pushed (assaulted) me. At the time HR confirmed that this was wrong. HR then went to speak to my boss and said it was clear my boss had some kind of issue with me taking time off. I proceeded to work the rest of my shift as requested by HR and chef. At the end of the day, HR approached me and said we would have a meeting with my boss tomorrow to resolve the issues and concerns. HR even expressed it may be possible to move me to another department.

The following day, Friday 15 October 2021, chef called my boss and I into the private dining room for a meeting. I understood the meeting was to address my boss’ inappropriate conduct towards me but instead chef raised complaints about me (the retaliation). I felt ambushed by this. There was no objective party or support person (NO HR) present for me during this meeting, nor was I given the opportunity to get one or speak freely. The meeting (which I believe was recorded by my boss) involved a series of complaints and attacks on me and my personality. So let’s go through the attack:

Eye Contact

Chef raised concerns about my lack of eye contact, which entirely is not true. However in any case assault in the workplace is by far a more serious problem which was met with no action at all. The manner in which my boss engaged with me over a significant period of time does not inspire trust or make communication easy for me.

Speed

Chef also criticised my speed at completing work tasks. I am methodical and take great care in performing my tasks. I understood that I was to perform these tasks with my boss which rarely occurred. My boss often showed up late to work late, took several smoke breaks during a shift while I worked the entire time completing most of the tasks, if not all the tasks alone. It is unfair to criticise me for taking my time to complete these tasks when my superior has no interest in assisting with the tasks other to criticise me. It is supposed to be a team environment, but it does not feel like a team.

My lack of respect for small business

Chef also raised my lack of respect for small business, this coming from a man with over 200 employees and like 4 businesses. I come from a background of businesses with between 2 and 5 employees. - laughable-

Poor google reviews

Chef stated that the reviews on Google reflected poorly on me. There was no evidence to support his claim, I looked for these myself -plot twist- they don’t exist.

Flawed personality

This is one of my favourites. Chef stated that my personality was flawed and that I needed to change. In my opinion a childish and unnecessary, personal attack of me in circumstances where my boss engaged in entirely inappropriate workplace conduct not me.

Government job

Chef stated that I belonged in a government job (how ironic) because I have a belief in having time off and this is some kind of magical concept. It’s unclear to me whether this is an insult or not. In any case, as an employee I am entitled to take annual leave accrued to me which such leave being approved by chef.

Smart ass, arrogant

Chef called me a smart ass. Which I agreed to. I am a smart ass if it meant that I was intelligent. He then said I was arrogant and believed I knew better. Given the terrible treatment I have been subjected to by my boss over an extended period of time, I replied that I did not think I was very good at all. In fact, I felt entirely demoralised. The constant belittling bymy boss adversely affected my self-confidence, especially in these situations.

Time off

Chef also expressed that after having time off I should return more enthusiastic and willing to work and he went on to say how difficult it is to accommodate me having time off. In one year of employment with the company, I have taken 6 annual leave days, taken no sick or personal leave, worked most weekends and attended work as rostered. In this regard, I am a model employee. I was made to feel guilty for having requested leave to which I am entitled.

Working on my birthday

Chef brought up the fact that I had worked on my birthday and that to expect otherwise was ridiculous. I assured him I did not request a day off for my birthday. My usual days off are Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. My 30th birthday fell on a Wednesday. When the rostered was released, I noted that I had been rostered on for Wednesday. I merely checked to see whether this was correct given I was usually rostered off on Wednesdays. I was advised it was correct and attended work on that day. I felt disappointed as I had made plans for my birthday which had to be cancelled. Sorry mum!

4-day week

Chef went on to say that no other employee has been afforded a 4 four day working week like I have. I never requested to work a four-day week. I work a 12 to 14 hour day on Saturday followed by a 10 to 12 hour day on Sunday. The extra day off is to account for my long hours. Furthermore, this situation was never discussed with me, it was decided by my boss and chef that I would work a four-day week.

Front of house jobs

Chef said that doing front of house jobs would make me a better employee and business owner if I ever go down that path and then he went on to explain all the things he has done. I do all the tasks I am given; I do not see why this needs to be raised. You want wine poured or a coffee made, I do these tasks without help because my boss has not completed her RSA nor shown any interest in barista training. I’ll point out here, that when I started, we had front of house staff to help out but these people were all bullied out by my boss or let go during the great COVID exodus.

After all this you’d think I wouldn’t have gone back to work, but I finished my week. Then I saw my solicitors and we drafted a letter and I never went back. I am slowly gaining my confidance back but I still require reassuring. I bake and cook more now than I ever did when I was working as a “chef”. I am running and training better than I ever did when I was a “chef”, and I love my job. Hospitality is famous for being “hell-ish” and harsh work conditions, but should it be? Does it need to be a toxic environment to get the best out of people? I know many people who suffered under my boss and chef. People who were much younger than I and were much more fragile than I. They looked up to chef. Most of the people I know have left and are thriving outside of the dictatorship. Reality check your dreams. Don’t get caught up in workplace bullying just to chase the dream. You are worth so much more than the mindless robot they believe you should be. To finish I want to say I work in a dreamland now, I work in government. You know what chef? I love it. and I’m running all the PBs so in the words of Bullet for my Valentine, “LOOK AT ME NOW!”